It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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