I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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