I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
