Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
