the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
