My first STD was from a foam party
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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