You can't motorboat a personality
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't turn off my feet"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
