How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
