found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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