Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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