I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
