She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
