U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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