I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
