Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
These tits shall not be calmed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
