I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
