He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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