Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
