I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
