Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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