Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
