no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
