I wish i was in the wii world.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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