question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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