I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
