It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
