to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
