woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
