I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
