Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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