I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
