I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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