I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
