I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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