Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
