This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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