I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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