People in love make me want to vomit
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
