Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
