Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
