chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
