youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
