so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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