I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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