apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
