i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
