There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
