Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
