I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
