Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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