so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
