and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
