do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Your dad touched me again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
