Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
