Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
