I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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