I wish I only lived at night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
