saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize