If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
