shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
