Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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