He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
