I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
