If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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