Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my phone needs a breathalizer
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
