the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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