so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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