so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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