Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
