i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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