I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
