i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
