lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
