A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
